my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
