The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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