I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
