Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
