he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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