this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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