I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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