Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
