2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
