from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
