using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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