Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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