I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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