you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
