I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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