Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
