I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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