i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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