We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's the barista slut.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
