i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
