Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love having hate sex.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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