Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
