my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
