who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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