I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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