sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
