Jerry, you need to find god
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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