My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
