maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
