And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize