Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
