They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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