My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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