i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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