If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
