big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
