thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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