Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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