I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
