Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
