i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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