my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
