I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
