Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
