we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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