i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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