I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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