I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
