I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
