He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
