She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
